Steps... Three

'All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever
comes to me I will never drive away.'

~John 6:37~

January

“I messed up.” Chase shoved his socks on. “No question.”

“You fought back.” Sydney pointed out, her voice thoroughly depressed. “Hate to admit it, but Alice needs confrontation now and then. Sometimes I think it’s how she learns anything.”

Chase felt her weight as she sat on the bed. He steepled his fingers, giving his forehead something to rest on. “She feels we didn’t care. And I might as well be the reason you and Connor aren’t together.”

The bed creaked- his parents’ bed where they were still holed up- and Sydney’s arms wrapped around his torso. Chase clasped his hands around her fingers; always so cold. Sydney kissed his bare shoulder. “There are plenty of reasons, with or without you.”

“But he’s still her father,” Chase wanted to spit. “That’s reason enough for Alice to think the world of him.”

“I wish his shadow would die already.” Sydney was close to crying. “Leave us alone.”

“You’re trying to do right by your daughter,” Chase turned so he had his wife face-to-face. “And he can throw his shadow wherever he wants. Connor doesn’t control you anymore.”

“Then why do I let Alice write to him?” Sydney sighed.

“You want to be fair to her, maybe even to Connor.” Chase brushed her hair back. She kept a tight leash on it during the day, but at night… “You’re being a Christian.”

Sydney struggled with that. “It’s not just about the letters, Chase.”

He waited, curious as to what that meant. Connor Welk had been in jail for four years; Alice had started writing to him before he and Sydney were dating. Sydney helped with the spelling, but Chase hadn’t read a one. All he knew was what Sydney had shared and the dude’s hefty rap sheet.

“Connor’s name showed up in our research.” Sydney blurted, holding back a tired sob. Chase stopped to recalibrate his thoughts. “The Leavy case?”

“It isn’t linked to your testimony,” Sydney said, eyes closed, as though playing out the case files behind her lids. “He’s turned up as an informant of an informant. But the Leavy family has every rank in their organization…”

“And these guys are always looking to climb them.” Chase finished.

Sydney shook her head, her stare becoming hard. “This is so much more then the letters, Chase. I don’t want him having any more right to Alice.”

Chase stopped rubbing her fingers. He turned fully now to look at his wife. “We haven’t talked about thatin a while. We agreed that Alice-”

“I never shredded the forms.” Sydney said, though Chase knew that. The paperwork allowing him to adopt Alice laid in an orange folder in the bottom of their safe. “I still don’t think Alice will go for it.”

“But Connor will sign them.” Sydney said, hope and anxiety fighting in her voice. “He doesn’t stick to things that don’t benefit him.”

“He writes back to Alice. That’s enough.”

“We’ll ask him to stop-“

“Sydney, I get what you’re saying,” Chase took her shoulders. “I’m not saying don’t give him the papers. But I won’t force this on Alice.”

Sydney flickered her eyes over his face, before leaning her forehead against his. “No. You wouldn’t.”

They kissed, parted, and pulled the sheets back. Chase bunched his pillows under him as Sydney killed the lights. Chase watched their fan rotate as she settled in. He regulated his breath with each lazy circle, until Sydney grabbed his hand. “I avoided you. In the beginning, when you were so desperate to prove yourself.”

“I noticed.” Chase smirked at the lengths he gone for that first date. The one time You plague me with persistence God… and it pays off! 

“It was because your name started with a C,” Sydney gave a sheepish laugh. “I told myself- it’d only be a repeat for me.” She turned, putting her arm over Chase’s chest. “Glad that God proved me wrong.”

Chase tilted his head against hers. “You didn’t let Connor control your decisions. You broke that control, not me.”

Sydney pushed a hand under her head. “You helped a little. “

Chase waited, eyes adjusting to her features in the dark. She squeezed his hand desperately. “I don’t… want Alice to have to fight that control.”

Chase heard her. He wanted the same freedom for Alice. Few people realized what this woman and daughter had done for him, breaking his bachelor status. Only question was, how did he show Alice this gratitude when he was being rejected at every turn? And would cutting Connor’s right off really give him an advantage?

            The door creaked and Chase listened to Falcon’s padded feet finding his corner. A testament to how late it was. The inventory of thoughts now circling his brain, sleep would prove evasive.

~To Be Continued~

Steps... Two

A Week Later

            Alice ran through the pharmacy doors, her sneakers squeaking as she spun and hurried back through. She did it once more, never once allowing the doors to close. She wobbled to a stop in front of Chase, smirking. “Told you.”

            Chase lowered his watch, shaking his head. “That you did. Glad to prove me wrong?”

            “Very.” Alice grinned, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “

            They went in together this time, Alice jumping in and out of every aisle on their way to prescriptions. “This better not take too long; Falcon shouldn’t be left in a car.”

            When did she start giving him advice on dog care? “It’s winter, Alice. He’ll be fine.”

            “He’s calmer when the radio’s on.” Alice told him, only confident in the fact because he’d shown her. They reached the line to the pharmacy counter, Alice dragging her fingers over a display of key chains. “Why’d your medicine have to change?”

            “I don’t need such a powerful steroid anymore,” Chase explained, wrestling with his hair, damp from the snow. “This’ less of a dose.”

            “So the doctors don’t turn you into a junkie.” Alice guessed- louder then necessary. Chase smiled at the elderly couple in front of him. Alice picked out a keychain; some mimic of a cone with tri-colored fuzz on top. She messed with it, and then eyed the couple with a grin. “He takes a lot of pills; that’s why we have to be careful.”

            Chase hooked the collar of her coat, keeping his smile on. “No, no… it’s nothing like that.”

            “Yeah, he actually needs these.” Alice smiled at them too. “He got shot.”

            The husband huddled his wife away from them, forgetting their place in line. Chase made a pounding motion on Alice’s head. “You wanna announce it over the PA system?”

            No, she didn’t. Yet, Alice repeated her stunt with the pharmacist.

            “Chase Hornick.” Chase presented his ID.

            “You heard he was shot, right,” Alice wormed her elbows on the counter, keychain clinking to add to her annoying voice. “There was a lotof blood.”

            You weren’t even there! Chase thought, albeit relieved. The pharmacist, a wrinkly woman with permed hair and big glasses, watched Chase closely. 

            “He really shouldn’t be driving me around.” Alice was carrying on. “I think it’s child endangerment-“

            “Birthdate?” the pharmacist asked, a skeptic brow on the bag she’d put the bottle of painkillers in. Chase coughed over the awkwardness, giving it along with his signature on the receipt. He eyed the keychain. “Are you buying that?”

            “I can afford it.” Alice spilled some coins from her pocket. She counted, hesitated, then shrugged. Chase pulled a quarter from his wallet and offered it to her. “I’m confident you’ll pay me back.”

            Alice smiled and took the quarter. The pharmacist rang it up. “Remember, every six hours.”

            “He might do more.” Alice was back at it. “He gets these headaches-“

            “Thanks so much.” Chase turned him and Alice away from the counter. He kept a hand on her collar until they were outside and in the clear. Falcon scrapped at the window seeing them, but Chase faced Alice. “You think you’re funny?”

            “I think it’s funny watching you squirm.” Alice admitted, holding the keychain. “As an officer you should have better nerves.”

            “And you should have better manners.” Chase shook his head. Alice went slightly rigid. “Says you.”

            Chase dug out the keys. “Says your mother and I.”

            Hand on the handle, Alice’s eyes sharpened. “That doesn’t mean anything. Youdon’t have a say in what I do!”

            We were doing so well. Chase’s lips tightened with the cold. Alice talked with him on the rides home, let him know about her day, her friends. Lord, if I’m even getting a step closer… 

            “Believe it or not, Alice.” Chase sighed at her. “I do. I care about-“

            “No you don’t.”

            The firmness with which she said this hurt him. A lot of things she said did. She was a good kid; he noticed enough to say this. Alice was fair when playing with her friends or cousins. She respected Sydney’s final say and was even spot-on, while spoiled, with her grandparents. So, why him?

            Meeting Sydney, he’d expected a few months, six tops for them. That’d usually been his pattern, thinking maybe marriage was for him then realizing it wasn’t. Only, Sydney had broken the cycle. It’d been a tough sell for both of them; Chase wondered if God might have actually broken a sweat, getting them together. But He did. Now Chase loved Sydney, was married to her, and was having his patience tested unlike anything injustice could ever throw at him. By an eight-year-old!

            “Yes, Alice,” Chase sighed. “I do care.”  

            Alice’s eyes raged, shaking her head. Chase began to reiterate, but Alice yanked her door open, putting distance between them. “You married her! You didn’t care what I thought or wanted, you and Mom just did it!”

            Chase tilted his head up, feeling the wind. Fine, she had him there. But Sydney had talked with her… maybe he needed to do some talking. “Your mom could do a lot worse.”

            Falcon was out, sniffing their hands, oblivious to the tension. Chase raised his shoulders, at a loss. “Maybe you only put up with me for my dog, but am I really that bad?”

            Alice watched the ground, scratching Falcon’s ear. Chase liked her discomfort. “No? I’m a pretty nice guy in fact, right?”

            “Find someone else to be nice to.” Alice spoke more softly; perhaps showing she agreed. “It’ll make it easier for mymom and dad to…”

            She didn’t finish; like she was hoping for something that she didn’t believe in. Too bad the hope was enough.

            “Alice,” Chase blew his breath out. “He’s in prison. And your mother’s explained-”

            Snow clumped off the roof as Alice hopped in, slamming her door. He knew it was a touchy subject, but he’d chanced it. Falcon whined, now feeling the cold. Chase rubbed the boxer’s back, going around the trunk. He let Falcon in, catching Alice’s hurt expression. A frustrating pain in the butt, whom he couldn’t bare seeing hurt, sad, or scared… and she could care less. 

            Yep, Chase mourned, joining them in the car. We were doing so good.

~To Be Continued~

Steps... One

'All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever
comes to me I will never drive away.'

~John 6:37~

December

“Can I touch it?”

            The height of curiosity in that question almost had Chase laughing. He looked across the square table at Alice, an eight-year-old toothpick in an oversized Rocker Gym shirt. Seriously, he watched this girl eat snacks between snacks! Where did it all go? He shifted in his chair, wincing. “You want to stick your finger in a gunshot wound?”

            The kid held up her pointer finger, wiggling it like a puppet. Even now, she was relying on humor. Chase had just never had it directed at him before- he had to settle for being the butt of it. Alice was way too Comedy Central for her age; underneath it however, laid a layer of maturity. Because of that, Chase reached to the back of his neck and peeled back the tape. The graze had only needed two stitches, but it burned! He’d sat in the back of the ambulance, listening to instructions for cleaning it and how it would itch when the skin started to regrow. 

For now though, it was puffy, red, and tender. Alice had to see that, her hand hesitant to actually make contact. She did… and Chase flinched! Alice jumped back into her seat, eyes wide enough to pop out. 

Chase grinned.

Alice’s mouth fell open. “You whackbag!”

“You pretended to sever a finger in the garbage disposal.” Chase recalled- vividly. She had used heated ink from red pens! It was the first of many heart attacks that Alice had tried to give him. So spooking her was very satisfying. 

And Chase felt it was a good distraction; God had created those along with everything else and for good reason. Chase had been putting up the tree, resisting the urge to curse any and all fir trees. The branches had kept scrapping the windows, where it needed to be, according to his wife. There had been headlights, then a fierce shattering of the glass, before a fire crawled across his neck. Chase could still hear his body echo off the floor, all sounds and sights coming to him through a tunnel. The dog, Falcon, came barking and licking… Sydney’s face in a panic over him, the phone clutched to her ear.

It was now past two in the morning and despite advice to be hospitalized overnight, they were at Chase’s parents’ across town. Mom and Dad were in bed, but he was running on pure caffeine. When the adrenaline had started to wear off, he’d downed two Dr. Peppers to make it through his statement. Falcon, a German boxer and a natural jet stream of energy, was lying at their feet exhausted. So, what was Alice running on? Sure her eyes dropped and her static-filled brown hair wilted, but she remained up. Knowing her, she didn’t dare sleep through all the excitement.

“Bet it hurts.” Alice had leaned in again, covering up her scare. Her eyes took in the exposed gash- they were big, green, and didn’t miss much. “Those guys… they wanted you dead.”

Correction; she didn’t miss anything. Chase heard the creaking of the stairs and saw Syd round the landing, eyes red and shoulders heavy. Her shower had alleviated nothing. Chase stopped her with a look over Alice’s head and she lingered back, watching. 

“Lucky for me they were bad shots.” Chase lifted the corners of his mouth. 

“Are you any better?” Alice put her hands together, imitating a revolver. Chase was reminded of his own childhood games of cops and robbers. Things really fell into perspective when one became a police officer. After seven years of patrol, he was now working CID for metro police. Only a year into that, and he already seemed to be stepping on some toes. There’d been a homicide two weeks ago, with some crazy claims attached to it. But Chase didn’t have the brain function to consider then just now.

He put Alice’s hands down. She scowled at him. “You need to be if you want to get those guys.”

“You think it was guys?” Chase asked Alice, smoothing the gauze back over his wound. Alice nodded. “It sure wasn’t the real killer. Had to be someone who owes him or her a favor… or got paid off.”

“Ok,” Sydney entered the kitchen, pinching her daughter’s shoulders. “You’re never watching Law & Orderagain.”

Alice tilted her head back, looking up. “Why watch it when I can live it?”

Syndey shook her head. “To bed with you, young lady.”

“I’m not-“

“Once you lay down, I’m sure you’ll feel different.” Sydney nudged her up. “You want tucked in?”

“I’m not four.” Alice moved in leave, only to have her shoulders slump. She turned back, piercing Chase with her eyes. “They’d be stupid to try again tonight… right?”

Normally, she asked Sydney. Chase tried not to resemble a deer in headlights. “It’d be foolish of them for sure.”

Alice nodded slowly. “Foolish.”

She decided to trust that, taking the stairs to his old bedroom. Chase brushed Falcon with his foot, urging him to follow her. He was the one leg he had, as Alice had adored the dog since day one. And Falcon always appreciated a new playmate. Chase noticed how the new routine was starting in Alice’s room, then switching to Chase and Sydney’s after midnight.

Wonder if Alice bribed him to do that. Chase grinned. He wouldn’t put it past her. Alice hadn’t made this step-parenting thing easy. He raised a brow at Syd. “At least I got a conversation out of this.”

Sydney fell into the chair. “Please Chase, don’t joke.”

“It’s all I’ve got right now.” Chase slipped his hand into hers. It was cold. They let the silence settle for a moment, their situation finally hitting them over the heads. Chase knew they’d both been avoiding the fear and confusion sinking in. He was an officer and Sydney was a paralegal so they were used to the facts of violence and injustice that tried to rule the country. Those facts now laid on their home front.

“Our office will look over the case file.” Sydney stated, even while her voice quivered. “I called in a favor to make sure of it. There’s something off about this; new eyes on it, we should be able to find what it is.”

“I’ve only been working one homicide.” Chase told her, leaning his head on his hand. It was starting to pound. “I don’t know...”

“The sergeant says no act of violence is random.” Sydney’s hand were moving now in her no-nonsense business way. She no doubt wished some papers were in front of her right now, telling her something.Anythingabout why their home was attacked. “This was the one of your forensic techs, correct?”

Chase cupped both her hands, locking their eyes. “Sydney.”

“They’re going to give us the files in the morning.” Sydney told him, brushing a tear before it reached her chin. “I might as well get a head start.” 

“Your eyes won’t be any good if you’re sleep-deprived.”

“We let up now, they might catch us off-guard again.” Sydney drew a wet strand out between her fingers. “Whoever theyare.”

“Syd,” Chase moved over, taking her by the arms. “We’re not going to figure it out tonight. All we can do is count our blessings and go to sleep.”

Damp and desperate-eyed, Sydney pulled in and kissed him. “Take your own advice… thanks for not dying on me tonight.”

Chase nodded, rubbing her arm. “Sergeant gave me two weeks off- with pay! You look after that case, I’ll look after Alice; school, homework, groceries, the works.”

“Chase, you need to take it easy.”

That was hardly both of their styles. “Syd, Alice and I connected tonight.”

Her eyes peaked their disbelief. “You got shot.”

“A little extreme, but we’re connecting.” Chase forced the positive. “I’d kind of like to run with that.”

Sydney eyed him, clearly not joining his glass-half-full philosophy. But she also wanted Alice on board with their marriage as much as Chase. He initiated the kiss this time. Happy that he was alive to savor it.

~To Be Continued~

The Very End

As the nation pulls into the beginning of a new school year, I think about one thing: THE END!

Not the end of the school year, nor the end of the world, but the ending of letters. (For those of you born after 1998, a letter is a written sentiment across paper or card, scrawled out in a pencil, ballpoint, gel, or even glitter pen!) Like any collection of words, they have a beginning, middle and end- some formed more loosely then others, but the freedom of that is part of the beauty of letters. But that's not what I ponder on today...

How do YOU end your letters?

There's a line between the personal and professional of course, but both remain a method of communication. Communicating what, exactly? Best Regards, Fondest Wishes, Yours Truly, All My Love, In Christ, Until Then, the list could go for a while on how one could polish off their letters. When the ink dries however, letters seem to end with a tone, reflective of the body of their content. At least, shouldn't they try to?

'From' is the more common closing, but some time ago I thought about how you place your name and return address on the envelope (even in the CC on an email), so your recipient knows who the letter's from already. Makes 'from' a bit redundant. Then there are some letters signed off with just the person's name. Okay, it's to the point; the letter-writer said all that they need to and are confident in what they've said. I've done that, scribbling out my name all wacky, with a winking smily face drawn beside it.

My personal favorite though, has to be 'sincerely'. Sincere... I like the accountability this word holds me to. Its presence legitimately causes me to think about what I've written, the message that I am sending to someone else. At the end of the day (haha) I want my words to be in earnest. 

Why am I wasting a blog post on a single word/phrase that may or may not find its way into the closing of a letter? Because I've always been someone cemented in the fact that words are important. From the beginning, God saw the tongue's potential to be both a flaming brick and a comforting blanket (James 3:1-12). From prison, the apostle Paul knew that his letters would encourage the spiritual strength of his fellow Christian soldiers (I am clueless as to how to reference that, he wrote so many!).

In the century of a growing poverty line and diminished moral character (this analysis DOES NOT exclude myself!), our words are so often all we have. And they are more powerful then we realize. We should make every one of them count. Even the last ones in a letter.

'The hearts of the wise make their words prudent, 

and their lips promote instruction.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, 

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.'

~Proverbs 16:23-24~

Sincerely, Lovingly, Wholly, 
                           Haley Bradfield