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Monday, August 27, 2018

Blue



The shades

the tints

the hues,
All held in crystal

Borrowed
at the tide

Taken
breathlessly

Sharp eyes

absorb

rays of
reflection

Captured
from the sun

Blinding the whites
Hinting with power

From palm
to pocket

Another


claimed

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Hesitate and Hope


'I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me, 
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.'
~ Habakkuk 2:1~

The book of Habakkuk is best known for the different pronunciations of its name I myself referred to it as 'hairy back' in middle school. (My youth pastor set me straight after he picked himself up from laughing.)

For those who have read through the Bible at least once, you discovered that Habakkuk was a prophet. One who was angry and frustrated with God, for His 'lack' of doing something about the wickedness sweeping the world. 

Show of hands, who has felt the same? And who, like Habakkuk, has taken their frustrations to God, demanding answers to His seeming absence? What do we sound like, what are we feeling when that desperation is spilling out, be it in tears or fists? I ask for this picture so you have something to compare when I ask you to consider Habakkuk's frustrations.

He gets them out alright; 'How long Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?' (1:2) and he continues on, naming the wrongdoings of the world- like God doesn't already have the big picture. But take note of the beginning of the second chapter... where Habakkuk plants his feet and says he will be waiting for God's answer. He expected an answer, an understanding, even with all of his anger and boiling frustration.

Bottom line, when we pray, is it with the conviction that God will answer us? Or do we just use our prayers as an outlet to complain, release some of the pressure our frustration weighs down on us? We sit through sermons reminding us that God's answer might not always be the one we're expecting and we're taught to accept that. Yet, do you accept the fact that God WILL answer? Every single time, every single request, every longing and fear? All of it, He answers. That is part of His care for us, providing solutions to our problems and questions. 

I'm not saying that everything is clear to us all the time. Even to our deaths, things won't always be clear. What does remain clear is God's provision and ultimate control over our circumstances... 
'He who did not spare His own son, but gave Him 
up for us all- how will he not also, along with Him, 
graciously give us all things?' 
- Romans 8:32 

Saturday, August 11, 2018

The Cutting Floor ~ Final Scene


+++8 Years Later+++
         “Mom!” Andrew demanded, leaping and bounding in place. “I can’t see.”
         Roxy bent down as far as her dress would allow her, bringing her mouth to the 7-year-old’s ear. “You won’t be feeling anything in your bottom if you don’t settle down. We’re in church and you’re being very rude.
         Andrew huffed, brown eyes flashing up at her. “But. I. Can’t. See.”
         “Everyone’ll sit down in a minute.” Roxy reassured him. “Now, quiet. Last time I’m telling you.”
         She straightened and redirected her eyes to the center aisle of the sanctuary. The bridal march was wrapping up triumphantly as Glennette’s father presented her in a flowing mermaid gown with lace sleeves. Their delicate pattern was elegant against her skin, the veil a fragile cloud over her curled hair, interwoven with faux pearls. Roxy’s eyes flitted to catch the nervous grin of the groom at the alter. The march ended, Glennette’s dad handed her over, and everyone sat. The noisy clicks of cameras from the back regained their volume, but Roxy swallowed her annoyance.
         “Is he going to talk long?” Andrew whispered to Jeff about the pastor. Jeff glimpsed Roxy to share in the exasperation. “He’s going to walk them through their marriage vows. That’s important.”
         “Why?”
         “Listen.” Jeff answered him, an arm around Andrew’s shoulders. “We talked about it last night.”
         His words stirred Roxy’s memory, her palm passing over her own wedding band. She’d gained a tan line around it, the California sun never sleeping. I started getting it the day he put it on… at that same alter. 
         But she wasn’t going to channel that right now. She and Jeff had married when Andrew was one. They now raised him along with their four-year-old daughter Marion near South Pasadena. End of story. Today, Blake and Glennette were starting theirs. Even after everything, and their now separate careers, they were starting anew… together. It made the ceremony all the sweeter, then one knew the history that the couple would be laying at the alter today.
         “Blake and Glennette have chosen a different approach to the writing of their vows.” Reverend Yants rose his voice for the gathering to hear. “In which, they wrote them together. I had the liberty of listening to them argue over it.”
         Gentle laughs and twice as many camera clicks erupted from the crowd. Reverend Yants unfolded a piece of notebook paper. “It is also my privilege to read it aloud.” He cleared his throat. “Dear Blake and Glennette… We can’t believe that we fell in the old cliché of things and now find ourselves here. We’ve been in love for awhile and friends for longer then that. People have said that it would be weird if we did marry, or awkward if either of us married someone else. But, that’s not why we’re here.”
         “We’re here today,” Reverend Yants continued in the space between Glennette and Blake’s joined hands. “Because we’ve seen each other change. From bad to worse, and from good to better. Everyone has told us that part of keeping a marriage together means loving your spouse through those changes. And we both agree, on this day, our wedding day, that we don’t want to risk changing with anyone else.”
         Reverend Yants creased the paper back into his Bible with a heartfelt smile. “Blake...”
         Roxy’s fingers grabbed Jeff’s lacing them in her own. To love and to cherish… for richer or poorer… in sickness and in health. She remembered Jeff repeating those words; his voice had kept falling into a whisper. Blake’s cracked a few times. Glennette’s giddy smile never left as she repeated her vows. Both rings slid onto their fingers with ease, the cameras flashing like a wild heartbeat.
         “Knock it off!” Andrew’s voice broke the revered moment. 
         Roxy’s face flushed as the sanctuary muffled their giggles. Jeff pulled Andrew close, whispering harshly in his ear. Roxy glanced at the alter, catching the eyes of the happy couple. They looked amused. Well then, they could punish him when their ceremony was over.
+++++
          Roxy savored another bite of the marble cake, served beneath graceful teal and purple buttercream flowers. She could hear the drool dripping from Andrew’s bottom lip. “Moommeee…”
         His soft plea wasn’t going to work. Roxy eyed him as she swallowed. “Uh huh. You know better then to interrupt during church. Especially when Dad and I both asked you not to.”
         “But it’s not Sunday.” Andrew argued. 
         Always ready with a defense. Roxy forked another moist bite. He gets it from his father, no question. 
         “Hey,” Jeff put his arm on the back of Andrew’s chair. “The day doesn’t matter. Mom and I have taught you how to behave when we go out. We teach you this so you can learn, what?”
         Andrew rolled his head back. “Respect.”
         “And what is respect?” Roxy prompted him, lowering her fork.
         “Showing others that what they say and do matter.” Andrew recited the definition, tugging at a loose thread of the tablecloth. He peeked up, forehead scrunching. “Do I have to apologize to somebody?”
         Jeff raised a brow at his shrunken posture. “Do you think you should?”
         Just then there was a swhoosh of white and Glennette was above Andrew, giving his forehead a kiss. “Share a dance with me and I’ll forgive you, little man.”
         “Who you callin’ little!” Andrew cried with a laugh. He looked between Jeff and Roxy; they both gave him a nod and Andrew scurried away, his hand taking Glennette’s. Jeff breathed out, delving back into his own cake. “Wise decision not to bring Marion. She feeds off his energy like a tick.”
         “Mrs. Weaver.”
         Roxy turned at her married name, only to be blinded by a white stroke of light. It faded into lazy blue dots as a woman with dyed blonde hair and a green dress two sizes too small slid like a snake in the chair beside Roxy. “Tea Jameson. One of the lucky few to make it to this colossal ceremony. Plus, this is America and you wouldn’t want to infringe on my first amendment rights would you?”
         That was a bit over the top, but that was what the tabloids were for. All the ham and cheese thrown into one category.
         “I'm hoping for a few words.” Tea announced over the music with a flip of her hair. Her other hand pressed ‘record’ on her silver handheld that caught the glimmers off the disco ball. “While everyone’s busy covering the happy couple, I’d like to get a glance beneath the rose gold surface they’re holding up.”
         Roxy swallowed. Hard.
         “It’s only natural that you’d be invited, Mrs. Weaver.” Tea nodded at her. “You are, after all, Blake and Glennette’s savior. Taking in their son after they… well, jumped the gun, let’s say.” She laughed at her own pun. Jeff’s hand wrapped around Roxy’s. “Thanks to you, they’re able to have careers, have lives. Do you feel that some free cake is a cheap apology for all that you’ve done for them?”
         THAT was her question? Roxy imagined the lively explosion of frosting with Jameson’s smiling, expectant face. No matter what I say, she’ll print something to that effect. 
         Not necessarily, Daughter. 
         Oh, c’mon! Roxy removed her fingers from the edge of her plate. “Actually, I would very much like to thank them. I never pictured marriage or motherhood for my life; I thought it wasn't meant for me. Nor did I find myself a good example for anyone to follow. But then, Blake and Glennette came along and needed help. I was scared, but God wasn’t and pulled me in before I could think. Since He did, I’ve learned how different God sees me from how I see myself. Blake and Glennette brought that lesson about… and I really should thank them for that.”
         Tea looked stupefied. “Thank? Them? I’m sorry, but… they’re teenage parents who dumped their illegitimate offspring on you.”
         "Maybe they did." Roxy shrugged, piercing Tea Jameson with her gaze. “But then, I’m a devout Christian who’s cussing you six ways in my head right now.”
         Jeff face-palmed, peeking at her between two fingers. Years of marriage, even more years of working under the white-shed sign of Hollywood, and Roxy's bedside manner with the press was something they would never agree on. 
         “So, you’re like all the rest,” Tea snorted. “Hypocritical, on top of cynical.”
         “I am human.” Roxy admitted with another shrug. “Forgiven for my hypocrisy and doing my best to live that forgiveness out."
          "By..." Tea looked out at Glennette spinning Andrew around the fanned circumference of her skirt. "Taking other people's responsibilities for them?"
          "By showing them the same forgiveness God does." Roxy clarified, about down with her tone. "And I’m quite tired of people gawking over what I did. Is it that far-fetched to help someone when they need it?”
         Tea stared at her a moment, then rose with a laugh and a shake of her head. “You are a funny one.”
         Happy to entertain you. Roxy waved at her fast-retreating back. She pushed the rest of her cake away and caught Jeff’s eyes. He lingered on her, cheek cupped in hand. “I was going to speak on your behalf. Something along the lines of ‘No Comment’.”
         “What are we, lawyers?” Roxy joked as she often did. Jeff shook his head. “No, crusaders, Roxy. Crusaders to draw attention to the Godhead in the most distracted city in the U.S.”
         Roxy laughed, losing crumbs from her mouth. “Don’t kid yourself, Jeff. Every U.S. town is equally distracted. It was cemented when Eve ate the apple, reinforced at the Tower of Babel-”
         "Okay, Reverend Roxy." Jeff caught her fingers, laid a kiss on her knuckles. "Don't let one reporter ruin this day."
           Roxy raised an eyebrow at her husband. "Do I have a choice?"
            Jeff used his grip to pull her closer. Close enough for her to get lost in the forest of his green eyes. "Between finishing that cake and dancing with me, I'd say plenty."
           Those eyes worked on her every time. Roxy smiled through their kiss. "You pick."
            The song changed and slowed right as they stepped onto the polished dance floor. Roxy laid her cheek on Jeff's shoulder while he cradled the small of her back. From there she again saw Glennette, holding hands with Blake and Andrew in a swaying circle.
            This all started because I walked in the bathroom at the wrong time. Roxy marveled back to the day she'd discovered Glennette's pregnancy. I walked in... and hurried back out... 
            Roxy gripped Jeff's arm a little tighter. You told me to go back in, God. What if I hadn't listened? 
[END SCENE] 

'With my lips I recount
    all the laws that come from your mouth. I rejoice in following your statutes
    as one rejoices in great riches.
I meditate on your precepts

    and consider your ways.
 I delight in your decrees;
    I will not neglect your word.'
~Psalm 119:13-16~

Monday, August 6, 2018

The Cutting Floor ~ Scene Five


         Did this actually work? Roxy focused her lens to get the finer lines of Glennette- ‘Wendy’s’- face. Now on eppy 6 of season 3, things had fallen into their traditional rhythm on the set. Ian and Jordan Cooper had worked their magic with the script, keeping Glennette’s scenes like bread crumbs through the first half of the season. All without losing their witty dialogue. Hair and make-up finished in record time, and lighting was on a roll this week.
         “Quiet on the set!” the floor manager bellowed, sending the crew scurrying like mice into their positions. “And… ACTION!”
         There was that suspended second, where time transitioned from reality to TV. Roxy was positive she always felt a shift inside that second, but she didn’t waste her paycheck being philosophical about it. Blake walked into the shot, wrestling with the chicken he was supposed to be babysitting. The poultry flapped and squawked, catching ‘Wendy’s’ attention. A carefree smile went on across her face. “Trouble in the hen house?”
         Blake- ‘Tony’s’- face washed in relief. “Wendy! You gotta help me!”
         And as always, their chemistry carried them through. Glennette’s belly, this time, was covered by the table she sat at. She dropped her head into her hand, right on cue. “When are you going to get that I’m not your personal savior?”
         “When you run out of brilliant ways to save my butt.” ‘Tony’ rocked the chicken to keep it quiet. 
         “And what’d you plan on doin’ when I’m not around?” 'Wendy' ventured to him. Roxy prayed over the angle that Camera 1 would get of 'Tony’s' perplexed look. “Oh c’mon, Wen, when are you not gonna be around?”
         Roxy made Glennette’s anxious, evasive eyes the focal of her shot. ‘Tony’ moved on. “Help me find a new sweater for this chicken before Mrs. Montgomery finds out.”
         ‘Wendy’ shook her head in her sassy way, the moment gone. “You’re on your own, Chicken Whisperer. My butt-saving agency is closed.”
         ‘Tony’s’ mouth fell open. “Ok… fine! I don’t need you or your agency!”
         And he stomped off of the set. Another second and the yell of ‘CUT!’ rang out. It was like breaking the seal on a soundproof booth. Make-up, lights, and the gophers picked up where they left off. Roxy stopped her film and worked the camera around to ensure the film had stopped rolling. She glanced up- out of habit- as Blake came back onto the set, chicken-less, and helped Glennette out of the booth. She saw the question on his lips, ‘You doin’ okay?’
         He had been asking her before and after every take, ever since they had started the season. Glennette still had nine weeks to go and her bulge wasn’t all that big. Given her frame, that wasn’t surprising. But Blake asked anyway, his levels of attentiveness blowing Roxy’s mind. He may not believe in You, but he sure leads a good example.
         Even faith small as a mustard seed... God recalled into her mind. Roxy doted on it; the hope it presented...
         “Latest review.” Jeff’s voice creeped up on her as Roxy turned from the camera. “I don’t read them, Jeff.”
         “You let yourself be ignorant.” He eyed her in a way that searched her. Searched for explanations. Well, Roxy was done giving those.
         “Blake and Glen are handling it well.” Jeff went on, the magazine in his hands flashing off the overhead lights. “Like pros.”
         “We’ve been praying before every interview.” Roxy nodded that fact in. “I’m sure that helps. And Glennette’s parents have gotten more supportive.”
         “All of America has.” Jeff said, following her. “Glennette’s fan mail has doubled, lots of girls who… have found themselves in the same situation.”
         “Ok.” Roxy eyed the snack table; she hadn’t had lunch yet.
         “But it seemed that Kourtney Irwin was more interested in the story behind the story.” 
         Kourtney Irwin... the reporter's name rang a bell, but Roxy didn't know where from. She snatched up a Nature Valley bar. “And?”
         “She talked to Kevin Fournier.”
         Roxy registered that while her stomach took pleasure in the oat and honey flavor of her lunch.
         “It’s her article I’m reading,” Jeff came around, the magazine staring at Roxy in the place of his face. She stopped and sighed. “Fine, I’m listening.”
         Jeff lowered it, expressing gratitude. “Miss Irwin ends it with a question; when will we hear from Hollywood’s own Mother Teresa.”
         Roxy choked on the granola. “She doesn’t call me that.”
         “Read it and see."
         Roxy turned away with the remainder of her bar. “I’m not interested in any interviews, Jeff.”
         “Roxy,” Jeff walked alongside her, hopscotching over the wires snaking across the floor. “You’ve been putting a lot into this. Could be time for you to get something back.”
         “That’s not the point.”
         “So you’ll just let Kevin say whatever he wants?” Jeff’s hand was suddenly on her elbow. “Can you pretend as though some of this gets to you? Please, for our sanity.”
         “Whose sanity?” Roxy looked at him. To which, his cheeks suddenly went red. “Maybe… that is… maybe for the sanity of a director… looking for a date on Sunday night.”
         His hovering suddenly dropped into context. His extra bout of texting throughout the season... But he'd just been protecting his investment. Who wasn't at this studio? Roxy’s eyes widened on his hand touching her arm. Atop the forest of his green eyes was a thick brown hair, which he kept after religiously; shorter on the sides, longer in the back. With his jawline, he made her think of Richard Anderson, the true Macgyver. Soft with people, while razor-sharp in business. The all around feel Roxy might get from watching McCoughney in The Lincoln Lawyer. No… O’Donnell in Of Love and War… no, perhaps both. Ugh, she was type casting again.
         “What’s happening on Sunday?” Roxy leapt in before the silence dragged into awkward territory. Jeff cleared his throat. “Well- if you’re interested- Gary Cooper and Barbara Stanwyck are having a get together at the Cinemark; 5:30.”
         Roxy freed her elbow. “How’d you know that Ball of Fireis my favorite movie.”
         Jeff looked more confident now. “I’m a director, Roxy Colt. I study and learn the different angles-“
         “Don’t pull that.” Roxy stopped him with the palm of her hand. “Who told you?”
         “Do you want to go or not?”
         He’s under 35, he attends Midway Chapel of Christ, you’ve come back to his eyes in the last three minutes. Roxy’s consciousness jumped up and down in her chest. What’re you waiting on, Las Vegas LEDs?
         Roxy asked instead. “Why?”
         “Because," Jeff's face fought surprise and discomfort. "Well, everyone around just sits and watches the twisted morals of this town and they accept it. You don’t.”
         Roxy shook her head. “People been staring me over like my actions are some alien dance. I’m just being- the way God's asked me to be. Out of love for Him.”
         “But you don’t want to be recognized for it?” Jeff’s eyes went concerned. Roxy raised an eyebrow back. “It’s not about me.”
         “I think you tell yourself that so you don’t have to worry about yourself.” Jeff told her after a moment of study. Roxy laughed. “That’s brazen.”
         “You were right at that meeting in December.” Jeff said. “You’re a good camera director and you’ll be balancing directing and editing once we get into post-production…” he shook his head. “I figured, I better snatch you up before some techie or other network does.” 
          You really have no need to worry. Roxy thought to say. But she only nodded. “Sure, Jeff. Sunday.”
[CUT TO NEXT SCENE]

         “So I laugh at old movies.” Roxy felt a defensive pride as she mounted the stairs. “I hardly find that something to berate.”
         “Berate is a strong word.” Jeff matched her steps up wire stairs of her apartment complex. “People tend to give an amused laugh at black and whites. They don’t snort.”
         Roxy blushed. “People snort at 21stcentury movies. And half the time it’s the same joke told in the dozen blockbusters before it.”
         “Ouch.” Jeff leaned casually beside her door. “You saying that the entertainment industry’s got a conspiracy against laughter?”
         “I’m saying,” Roxy paused on the other side of her cheaply painted frame. “Maybe we could be more considerate of what we’re asking people to laugh at.”
         “So the laughter doesn't mean anything if it's not a good joke?” Jeff rearranged his fingers so that he was focusing on her through a camera. More blushing!
         “You’re more inquisitive then you get credit for." Roxy admitted. "And not half bad a chuckler.”
         Jeff dropped his hands. “Good enough to take you out again?”
         Roxy considered that.
         “Maybe something outdoors.” Jeff plowed ahead; he wasn’t one for silence, Roxy was learning. “You haven’t lived in California until you’ve ridden a steed through the surf.”
          He’s outdoorsy too! Roxy’s heart fluttered. It had done so nervously a few times tonight. “When’s the best time for horseback riding?”
         That turned out to be the right question and Jeff left all smiles. In her apartment, Roxy released her feet from their fabulous boots and was headed to her bathtub when her phone rang. She had purposefully left it on her kitchen counter, eagerly wanting a night uninterrupted. It surprised her to see four missed calls… all from Glennette. The baby! Roxy hit redial. “What’s the matter?”
         “Nothing.” Came Blake’s voice. Wait, Blake? "It was just Glenn. She was over-reacting."
         “Over-reacting to what?” Roxy made for her bedroom, her much needed pajamas, and her bubble bath. “Where are you?”
         There was a nervous pause. “In the parking lot.”
         “Parking lot.” Roxy repeated. “What parking lot… my parking lot!?”
         “Yes.”
         Roxy eyed her balcony, though it faced the opposite direction. “Why? Who drove you here?”
         Another pause, which were heightening Roxy’s anxiety.
         “I did.”
         Roxy straightened from grabbing her pajamas. “You did what, Blake?”
         “Drove.”
         So much for the bath. Roxy pinched her nose in disbelief. “Get in here.”
         She hung up on that order and wheeled back to her door. She reached it as Blake and Glennette walked in. Roxy's glare burned as they stood awkwardly in her front room. She shut the door and put her hands on her hips for the full effect as she marched in front of them. “So, just so I’ve got the whole picture.” She spun on her heel, making Blake cringe back. “No license. No experience driving, likely in a car not registered to you, in Los Angeles… with your baby momma in the backseat!”
         Glennette watched the shirt stretched over her belly. Blake watched Roxy, as though afraid to look anywhere else. She narrowed her eyes for the kill. “Do ANY of these statements sound like the actions of two mature teenagers?”
         Glennette cleared her throat. “It was important-“
         “More important then risking jail time?” Roxy stopped her. “How would your baby feel, popping out in a six by nine cement cell?”
         Glennette’s face blanched; then her eyes narrowed back at Roxy. “I said it was important.”
         “So I just drop everything you did wrong and accept it?” Roxy shook her head. “I’m not your adoring public, Glenn. Yours either.” She shot daggers at Blake. “I see you for the impulsive, selfish child actors that you are and will reprimand you when you act even stupider then that!”
         Both chins dropped to their chests now. Roxy gave herself three breaths- a prayer in between each- before she spoke again. “Do your parents know that you’re here?”
         “Mine.” Glennette said, relaxing her shoulders. “Just not how.”
         “Same.” Blake admitted sheepishly. 
         Ok, she’d deal with that headache later. Roxy rubbed her forehead. One night, Lord. I wanted one night apart from this auntie-big-sister role I’ve stumbled into.
         To whom much is given, much will be demanded. She could just see Him shrugging. Go figure. 
         “Whose car?” Roxy pushed the interrogation farther. Blake took that one. “I picked Glenn up in Dad’s Bentley.” 
         Roxy folded her hands, white knuckle over white knuckle. “And what was sooo important that you had to steal it?”
         Blake shared a look with Glennette. Roxy waited. 
         “Jeff asked you out.” Glennette spoke in a rare shy tone.
         “Yeah?” Roxy was still waiting for the punch line. Glennette shrugged her shoulders. “We were wondering…”
         “You were wondering,” Blake corrected.
         “You didn’t have to agree to pick me up and ask her about it.” Glennette turned on him. 
         “What was I supposed to do? You were near hysteria and that’s not good for the baby.”
         Glennette grabbed her hair with both hands. “If I have to hear one more thing that’s not good for the baby-“
         “Yo, brats!” Roxy clapped her hands, getting them to shut up. Glennette huffed. “Are you gonna marry Jeff or something?”
         Roxy gapped at the two teens. "WHY would I know something like that? We went on a date; something that rarely happens twice.”
         “But it could.” Blake mentioned. “I mean, there’s a chance.”
         “And there’s also a chance I might skydive.”  Roxy spat. “What of it?”
         Glennette looked square at Roxy now. “Because we want you to adopt our baby.”
[CUT TO NEXT SCENE]

Friday, August 3, 2018

The Cutting Floor ~ Scene Four


         “He’s gonna sue your dad.” Blake told Roxy disheartedly.
         “Let him.” Roxy shrugged, settling her phone on the counter. Her text to Jeff faded from the screen, along with her hate at disrupting his Christmas. Kevin, however, had been the first to text Jeff, who in turn had texted Do we need to contact our lawyers about this? 
        Roxy had promptly sent him back. It's fine.
        “Your dad needed to meet someone that doesn’t bend to his will.” Glennette said through a smug smile.
         “He’ll come back with a lawsuit.” Blake warned, upset about having to go back with Kevin when he came back in a few hours. Dad would have him back from the emergency room by then, Kevin’s nose bandaged to look like new. 
         I shouldn’t be smiling about it so much. Roxy scolded herself, phone ringing in Jeff's reply. That shouldn't qualify as an answer. That guy's deplorable. 
          Roxy agreed, wished him a Merry Christmas, and returned to grabbing ingredients out of the pantry. She had banned her, Mom, and the Davis’ out onto the porch while she and the kids whipped up a lunch from yesterday’s feast. They all needed something to do with their hands.
         “What was Mr. Fournier talking about, Roxy?” Glennette asked, her voice ringing louder with the question. Roxy looked up from the slices of turkey she’d been assembling on rye bread buns. Normally, Sander would be trying to snag a slice of tomato or Swiss, but he was with friends. Even he couldn’t protect her now.
         Roxy eyed the two teens that had thrust themselves into the mess of maturity before they were ready for it. Yet, wasn’t Nana always saying that kids didn’t get enough credit for the things they could comprehend?
         You followed Me into this beautiful mess. God reminded her. For reasons you won’t admit to yourself. I’d like you to do that now, Daughter.
         You’re sooo pushy. Roxy put in a whine as Glennette tried again, placing tomato on the sandwiches. “We looked up Taking Point. It was on from 1998-2001; about four firefighter friends in Florida.”
         Roxy laughed at the food in front of her. “Doesn’t that just roll off the tongue. It was filmed in Tampa, some on San Marco Island… they kept that the same, anyway.”
         Blake and Glennette’s eyes were big now, big as saucers. Blake’s mouth hung open in a black hole. “You were an actress, Roxy?”
         Glennette hit his shoulder. “Why’s that so hard to believe?”
         “It’s not,” Blake blushed, rubbing his shoulder. “Just… Dad’s always said that crews are the people who wish they could act.”
         Roxy rolled her eyes, stacking the first sandwich on Mom’s cornucopia platter. “We’re more like the people who help you act.”
         Blake’s cheeks reddened deeper. “Right, so… Taking Point?”
         And here she thought she could distract them from it. Roxy twisted the bread bag closed. “I graduated in broadcast engineering from Sarasota, but during that…” was she really admitting to this? Roxy breathed out, long-forgotten prayers passing her lips. “I auditioned for a few commercials, some extra shots. I was earning money for my tuition and gaining experience in my desired field. I wasn't interested in anything else. Some extra bucks and some free fun.”
         “And!?” Glennette was half over the countertop, hands clamped on the edge.
         “And…” Roxy dragged the word out. “My audition tape fell into the hands of the right producer. He pulled me in for a few chemistry readings with the male leads-“
         “Who!” Glennette demanded, thumbs poised and ready to attack the keys of her phone. Roxy gave a sideways grin and shook her head. 
         “C’mon!” both teens protested. Roxy just waited until they piped down, returning to the sandwiches. “Bottom line, I got the role. And I was stoked! I was barely nineteen, but ready to sign whatever they put in front of me. And I was planning to surprise my parents with the news after I signed it.”
         Jeff lit up her phone again. What's your secret to being so casual about everything? 
         God. Roxy typed back, simply and surely. Funny, how she was just now seeing that.
         “What happened?” Glennette begged for more, almost breathless. "Did you sign? But they fired you... WHY did they fire you?"
         “The male leads asked me to sleep with them.” Roxy said; it took far less effort to admit then she had thought. 
         Blake swiped his gaze for any other adults in the kitchen. There weren't, but it didn't dissipate the awkwardness that came with this information. Glennette's face twisted in disgust.
         “Two other girls had been considered for the part before me,” Roxy told him. “And the same ‘initiation’ had fallen on them. If I said no, or they didn't like me, they’d convince the producers to find someone else for the role.”
         Glennette was holding her head, like it might erupt. “Roxy… what’d you do?”
         She’s so sure of my answer. Roxy noticed, a little hurt by it. The phone interrupted her yet again; and it was Jeff, again. What am I supposed to do with that? 
         Your decision, not mine. Roxy told him; he was actually a good buffer for this conversation she had always feared having. But I'd be happy to discuss it any time. 
         "ROXY!" Glennette and Blake demanded.
         “I told them no." Roxy said, ignoring the phone now for good. "And I tried to tell the producers about it, but they had already been told that was the one sleeping around, making everyone uncomfortable on set.”
         The kids’ eyes were plates now. Roxy was sort of enjoying her captive audience. It was the first time she’d revealed this story to anyone, outside of the family. “My parents got me a lawyer. One that found the truth, got the actors fired, and the show scrapped. For that year anyway.”
         “And you?” Blake pointed at her. Roxy looked back down at her sandwich. 
         “I received a small settlement and went back to learning about cameras.” Roxy looked down at her sandwich, suddenly thinking that it needed chips to go with it. Chips and dip; did they have any?
         “Why?” Glennette spoke first as Roxy reached the pantry. “Roxy, why’d you say no?”
         Honestly, that's where her mind goes? Roxy eyed the shelves of her mother’s food. “It wasn’t right.”
         “It’s not illegal.” Blake said. “You were an adult.” 
         Roxy turned to eyeball him. Both of them. “Being an adult isn’t the go ahead for sex, Blake. It means bills, setting your own alarm, making good on promises you make to other people, and showing responsibility over the money you earn.” She yanked the chip bag out of the pantry. “Sometimes by working for wretched strangers who can’t see past the cells of the next spreadsheet.”
         Blake’s neck had shrunk into his shoulders. Glennette watched the counter instead of her phone and both their faces were set deep in guilt. Roxy reeled her rant in as she brought the chips back to the plate. “But being an adult isn’t the only reason I said no. As a Christian, God’s taught me to have a certain respect for my body. What He calls a temple.”
         She might as well have said ‘cockatoo’. Blake took her explanation more thoughtfully, but with as much disbelief as Glennette. Roxy focused on the chips, a mango salsa flavor, so she could forego the dip.
         “Ok, but,” Blake now took his thinking aloud. “What’s God got to do with you making your own choices?”
         Is it wrong that I still ask the same question?Roxy wondered, dusting her fingers off from the chips. “When He’s the one who created you, everything.”
         “What, like you owe Him?” 
         “No.” Roxy rolled the bag back up, making the eye contact she was so afraid of. “More like I’ve been listening to what He hopes for me. And it turns out that it's good, it's healthy. Maybe not always easy, but still what's... right.”
         Blake shared a look with Glennette, who said. “You believe that?”
         “Yes.” Roxy looked up at her, unblinking. She made a point not to blink, not when she admitted her faith. Christianity was hardly dead in Los Angeles; merely sparse. Like loose change in a couch.
         “Is that why… you care so much?” Glennette finally asked the big one. Roxy gave a nod, folding up the chip bag. “It’s why I wanna be sure things aren’t misrepresented. For either of you.” 
         “By telling the truth?” Blake groaned, like the weight of reality had just returned to his mind. 
         “It’s what’s right.” Roxy repeated. 
         Glennette searched her eyes, hands back around the lifeline that was her phone. “Let’s hope so.”
          I know so. Roxy determined under her breath; with a glance at the kitchen ceiling. I know so... right?
          If you still have to ask Me, then you're not going to get the answer. Was God's only remark. Roxy could just see Him chuckling as He did.


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